Whew! Is there another word for last year? Well, maybe a lot of choice ones, but I need to keep my PG rating!

While I may have chosen “growth” as my word this year, I think that progress began well before January 1st. Nothing like sitting in your own home for hours at a time to give you a strong perspective on what matters. And to drive you a little bit batty.

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All opinions are my own. It is my Universe, after all.

Over these months, I have wondered after my children most of all. How are they doing now? How will this affect them next year? Or ten years from now? My son is a junior in high school. That is the year that I fell in love with my now-husband. I was in choir and a journalism class and contemplating how to sneak off campus to the McDonald’s. The biggest sneaking he’s doing is to the fridge for another Dr. Pepper.

The teen years are so huge in the development of the adult you will become. And I have two at home. And let’s be clear here—they are AT HOME. All the time. For better or worse. Or more accurately, better and worse.

Better and Worse

The “worse” is so obvious. My kids have suffered in their schooling. Frankly, my son almost flunked out this past fall. His naturally introverted personality has been blown up exponentially where even snap-chatting friends has become a chore. My daughter, too, has struggled with maintaining her friendships through text. Ballet class, art class, and homeschool meetups are all gone.

But there has been some “better.” The two teens have become quite a duo. While bickering still echoes throughout the halls, they have also found a deeper friendship in each other than I could have ever expected, or even dare hope. And I have had my kids home a lot!!!! Which has meant puzzles and board games and conversations. How thankful am I for the conversations? Maybe I know too much about MattPat, Markiplier, being a Swifty, and Billie Eilish. But maybe that makes me the luckiest mom in the world.

We All Need Three

All of this time and learning have reminded me of the kids who are not as fortunate as mine. Last fall, I shared about ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and how they can profoundly affect adulthood. One of the things I learned was how important it is for each person to have at least three sources of support. Without that support, bad results can happen. (I watched a devastating video about incarcerated men and how so many are there because they had several ACEs in their early years.) 

But…

And here’s the good part! With support, good things can happen. ACEs don’t have to be a life sentence of pain. They can be a growth point that creates strong, resilient children and later, adults. So even as I am working to support my kids through this period, I can’t help but think of how I may show support to others. How can I be one of the three to a young person and possibly stop a child from becoming one of those men I saw in the video? We all have the power to be part of a child’s support system and change the course of their life.

How Can I Be Part of the Solution?

The answer comes in another set of letters. They’re called SSNREs - Safe, Stable, and Nurturing Relationships and Environments. I work daily to create these for mine, but there are ways to expand beyond my little space. I can reach out to my mom friends when I see them struggling - offer to babysit to give them a mental health break, send them a GC for dinner, or even just let them talk. Sometimes the best way to support a kid is to support their parents. I can be a solid go-to for my children’s friends and nephews and nieces.  And finally, I can support organizations that provide these services to at-risk children (Big Brothers/Sisters, Boys & Girls Clubs) who are facing ACEs, so the ACEs don’t impact them into adulthood.

So, tell me. How are you doing? Do you have your three? Do you need help providing those nurturing relationships? You’re not alone. As far as I am concerned, if you are reading this, you’re a part of the Star family, and I stand ready to be part of your Three.